The Trial
by Arouda
Summary: Whats happens when Athrun tries to kill himself over something that he sees as hopeless?


Night and day all feel like the middle of a fire. Everything burns deep with in me, leaving me broken in the after math. Tormented beyond this world by love...The longing glances toward the one I so deeply admire and want...The one I love. Kira Yamato. I've pretty much dug my own grave. All the pain from the war combine with the unrequited love just continues to buries itself deeper in me to the point I have no idea where I am...to the point where I am forced with the last option ; To kill myself...

I grab the sleek silver kitchen knife from the drawer and watch it glint in the light. A dull smirk on my lips. My mind was made up and this was the last option left. I'd escape through suicide. I stare at the knife for a few seconds more before I place it delicately on the smooth skin of my arm. I begin to press harder and watch as the blood pours out of the wound. The blood leaving my body like the wounds in my heart. I smile satisfied. I am about to continue when a clattering noise from behind me shocks me out of my trance like state and I throw the knife away, covering my bloody arm. I look up into the eyes of my beloved. His eyes match my own. They held the pain that my own have except his also show a faint trace of tears. I look down too ashamed too keep my head up. I couldn't look into those lovely lavender eyes without seeing the anger and pain there. Again. It was my fault ...again.

"Kira...I-" He cuts me off, his normally gentle voice quivering in pain and anger.

"Don't 'Kira I'm sorry' me Athrun! and DON'T try and say it wasn't what it looked like. I know what you were doing...but WHY?" He looked down to the ground, watching as my blood hit the ground in small drops. Reaching over he pulls back my shirt and looks at the slash I made. He shakes his head. I make no attempt to pull away as he bandages the self inflicted wound. His voice softens as he speaks again. "What...happen to make you go over the edge?...What made you want to die so badly...?" His voice broke as he spook and I knew then that I had hurt him more then I could of ever hurt myself.

He lay my wrist back down by my side before turning to face the wall, he was unsure of what to do. Instead he had entered one of his silent treatments.

I sighed and looked at him with my own pain filled azure orbs. I couldn't tell him that he was the reason that I had wanted nothing more then to die. The pain had become to much but maybe it was just me...maybe I was just running away. It's times like this I realize that I want nothing more then to live and stay by his side, to be there for him when he needed someone to cry on. To keep him above the water...above the gravity of living. I walked the few steps over to him each step pulling me down, causing me more pain and fear, it was all too heavy to bear. I felt like I was the one drowning and he was my only way to the surface, to the break through... I reached over and pulled him tightly to my chest and watch as he sobbed silently into his hands. His body against mine. His body felt warm and firm. I felt unsure of myself now. He was crying because of me and I had no idea how I could fix it. I wish I could of hugged him this way after a rough day at work, a time where he needed someone for some other reason then the one placed in front of us.

"Kira...Please...please...don't cry...I-I..."

regular pov

Athrun stood hugging the other shaking form close to his body. He wanted to cry too. To cry with Kira because of all the pain but he knew he had to be strong...really strong to support Kira now since he had already let him down once. "I...hurt you again..."

Athrun gasped in shock as Kira turned around in his arms to face him. Kira shook his head stubbornly as he wound his arms around Athruns slightly taller form. Burying his chocolate brown hair into the others chest. His muffled voice could be heard as he spoke through sobs.

"...No...don't say that...you may have hurt me but it won't last forever in time I'll get over it and it will just be a dim throbbing in the back of my mind. It will go away, it will be forgotten...the thing I won't be able to handle is...if you go away...if you die...I couldn't live with myself if you left...Athrun...I-I..." Kira sighed unable to say what he was going to. Instead he pulled away from the embrace but not too far. Only far enough that Athrun still had his arms wound against the others body. Kira raised a hand and rested it on the confused Athrun's cheek. Kira chuckled at Athrun lightly. "You wuss...that's all you were ever really good at...was hiding your feelings and running away. I guess all the good that's none is allowed me the opportunity..."

Athrun raised a delicate eyebrow at Kira. "Opportunity...?for what? What are you talking about ?"

Kira just shook his head and placed a finger on Athrun's lips shutting him up in an instant. "For this." In a swift movement Kira had Athrun pined to the wall locked in a kiss. Athrun stood there shocked with his eyes wide open while Kira had his shut and his arms wound tightly around the others. A few seconds past before he pulled away looking cautiously into Athrun surprised eyes.

"I...I love you...Athrun... I have for so long...before the war even started...and if...you died I don't know how I'd ever live..." Kira shook his head and stared at the ground, crystal tears running down his face as he waited for an answer to the unspoken question. Athrun's hand found it's way towards his own lips. He couldn't believe what had just happened. Maybe trying to kill himself was the right thing to do after all. He looked at the sobbing Kira knowing that the other thought he had rejected him but he couldn't do anything else it was way too shocking. All he had ever wanted to happen was happening. Kira turned to leave and Athrun not wanting to hurt the other more stopped him by pulling him to his chest again, except this time he was locked in a kiss with the other. "mm...Kira...I love you too...That's why I tried to kill myself. I thought I would never ever be able to have you as mine...I never thought for a second you would share my feelings."

Kira smiled cuddling closer to Athrun's chest. "I know."

-the end-


End file.
